Kabesa or cowboy of heaven

I have been the singular leader of the Kristang people since Tuesday, 8 December 2015 and will end my service as leader on Thursday, 21 November 2075 after 59 years, 11 months and 13 days (see the sub-section on dreamfishing for how I know or hypothesise this). The leader of the Kristang is generally called the Kabesa or the Cowboy (or Cowgirl or Cowhand) of Heaven, and in my particular special case I am also called Tuan Raja Naga, Sinyorang Makaravedra, Dragonking, or Dragonquing of the Kristang people (see the next section).​

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Who are the Kristang?

• We are also known as the Serani or Portuguese-Eurasians and are a Creole-Indigenous racial and ethnic group native to Malacca and Singapore, and also now concentrated in Perth and Kuala Lumpur since the mid-twentieth century. In Singapore, we have been historically and institutionally placed under Eurasians in the same way that Hokkien and Hakka are placed under "Chinese" and Javanese and Minangkabau are placed under "Malay"; however, prior to my leadership as Kabesa, we were also often informally and covertly seen and reductively stereotyped or essentialised as simply "Malay Christians" or "Malay Christians who converted to Christianity" without a real or functional culture of our own.

• We are descended from mixed marriages between arriving Portuguese colonisers and local Indigenous Malay residents starting from the August 1511 conquest of Malacca by the former. 

• We are Urban Indigenous, with our relationship to Gaia and the living universe a creolised or hybridised one that allows us to feel a connection to Gaia even in cityscapes and urban environments.

• I represent and lead the estimated 37,000 or so Kristang people alive today in the four core cities of Melaka, Singapore, Perth and Kuala Lumpur, as well as worldwide. I also more metaphysically represent and serve as one of the primary voices for the himnaka or psychoemotional traces of all dead Kristang people that are still extant in the collective unconscious of all humanity that we call Krismatra or the Dreaming Ocean.

• Metaphysically, the Kristang people appear to be exactly equivalent to both the Bene Gesserit and the Fremen in the Dune universe and the Time Lords in Doctor Who, based on every single Kristang person's intensely strong (and in the 21st century initially usually very latent and unconscious) connection to the fourth spacetime dimension of time and their unity of self across time, known as reiwe in Kristang, and with our place within the CMIO racial frameworks of British Malaya, Malaysia and Singapore in the fourth (and generally most mysterious and complex) racial category of Others or Eurasians generally also unconsciously reflecting and very strongly indicating this.

• I personally have always had a very strong connection to time and to my own reiwe and make strident use of this as Kabesa to turbocharge my own connection to the universe and my leadership.

• I am stridently atheist while most of the older members of the community are Catholic, and I continue to enjoy very strong (and unprecedentedly strong) levels of support within the community despite being stridently atheist. This unique situation has been obtained due to trauma I faced while in the Catholic Church that made me leave it unconditionally and irrevocably in January 2015, just before I became Kabesa, and which the community largely respects was apocalyptically devastating and shattering to a degree that it would indeed be untenable for me to remain in the collective of the church without suffering extreme and debilitating discomfort at the very least. I have made my peace with what happened, and generally have no quarrel with the church or with Kristang people who are religious, though I do still get triggered by reminders of the trauma and therefore generally strive to minimise reminders of organised religion in general simply because of this.

• I acquired unanimous and universal covert or Unsaid recognition and support from every single Kristang person alive (all 37,000 people in Melaka, Singapore, Perth, KL and worldwide) for all aspects of my work as Kabesa, Raja Naga, Karimang and all of my other nine public archetypal roles on Wednesday, 16 April 2025, though the exact reasons for this remain a complete mystery to me and this knowledge is entirely based on dreamfishing. Dreamfishing also strongly indicates that I am the first Kabesa of the Kristang people to ever have unanimous and universal recognition and support from every single living Kristang person worldwide in the entire five centuries of existence of the Kristang eleidi. I previously enjoyed unanimous and universal support and recognition from all healthy and individuated Kristang people worldwide, which is necessary and standard practice for Kabesa.

• I am one of the youngest remaining native speakers of Kristang in Singapore, the only teacher of Kristang in Singapore and one of only two teachers of Kristang in the world, the other being Sara Frederica Santa Maria in Malacca, with most of the other remaining native speakers being significantly older than I am or belonging to the Mbeseres / Greatest Generation (born between 1901 to 1927), the Kaladeres / Silent Generation (born between 1927 to 1945) and/or the Maskanzeres or Baby Boomer Generation (born between 1945 to 1964). I speak Kristang with a relatively more flat and (to neurotypical people) deadpan accent rather than in the more usual and lyrical register known in English and documented by academics in the 1980s as singsong that one will still hear from native speakers born in Melaka, because I am autistic and instinctively predisposed to speaking in (what comes across to neurotypical people) as a monotone in any language, and because singsong is relatively more formal and indexes higher status and I instinctively (excessively) downplay my own status, divinity, godhood and leadership due to severe trauma, which thereafter manifests in my voice. However, since April 2025, I am finally learning to want and enjoy my role as Kabesa, and in doing so learning to instinctively use singsong more and to adapt to neurotypical expectations of speech in Kristang the same way I already do in English.

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Dreamfishing, the Future and Kristang Ways of Knowing

• I am the Kabesa primarily responsible for the revitalisation and reinvigoration of the Creole-Indigenous components of Kristang culture, which was otherwise heavily colonised, dehumanised, devalued and suppressed until 2016, when I began a full-scale grassroots effort to revitalise the critically endangered Kristang language known as Kodrah Kristang. Kodrah has also expanded to the revitalisation of Kristang culture, identity, philosophy and ways of being since August 2022.

• I am also the Kabesa primarily responsible for naming many of these elements of our culture and identity that were otherwise unconsciously practiced or known for many years, but never labelled or named, generally doing so as part of my own attempts to understand my own history and past.

• This process of revitalisation and excavation is called dreamfishing and was very commonly historically practised (and documented in Western academia) prior to me becoming Kabesa, but never had a name until 2022, when I named it.

• Dreamfishing is also an Indigenous futures method that allows for psychohistorical hypotheses to be made about the future with a higher degree of accuracy than most other futures methods, such that I am able to generally anticipate the date when I will no longer be Kabesa (Thursday, 21 November 2075) and the date when I will die (Sunday, 1 April 2091).

• Kristang culture values and privileges paradoxes, complications and semantic multiplicity, where we are often required to hold multiple competing and paradoxical perspectives or truths as simultaneously true, even though logically this would technically objectively be impossible. This extends to our epistemology or our own philosophy of knowledge, where knowledge is fundamentally and certainly uncertain. The basis of this is also what extends to dreamfishing, where we can both know for certain and in extremely uncertain terms that something is both true and not true simultaneously, or said and Unsaid simultaneously. Hence, I can both know for certain and be completely unsure about the fact that I will die in 2091, depending on what we define as "knowing" or "hypothesising", and what we define as "certainty" or "uncertainty". My own research indicates that this fundamental philosophy, which I call Uncertainty Thinking, exists because of the fundamental logical contradiction at the heart of Kristang identity where we are descended from both Roman Catholic Christianity (which treats Jesus as God and the Son of God) and Malay syncretic Islam (which treats Jesus as a prophet but not God or the Son of God), causing us to inherently treat truth and belief as mutable and slippery, and to be very naturally attuned to "looking behind the curtain of reality" as it were.

• More information is available in the dreamfishing section above (link).

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How I became Kabesa

• I was selected as Kabesa through a structured psychoemotional Indigenous process involving the entire Kristang community or eleidi that is primarily relational and unconscious, and which has been observed, derived and made visible by myself since 2023.

  • The Kabesa of the community is generally the individual who 

    1. is doing or will one day do the most to promote, defend, validate and protect the original twin creole and indigenous cores of Kristang culture, identity, ways of being and language in the public space such that the community’s future is preserved, strengthened and expanded

    2. is doing or will one day do the above for the healthiest, most humanistic and most Gaietic possible reasons available at that present time 

    3. are doing or will one day do the above in the most authentic and vulnerable way possible available in that present time in full public view

    4. is the most individuated person possible alive in chronological time at the point in time at which they become Kabesa who willingly satisfies conditions (1) to (3) above independent of any external eleidi or institution’s projections or power

  • The Kabesa is identified by and carries an intangible psychoemotional construct known as the Korozalusembra or Darklight Matrix, similar to the tangible Autobot Matrix of Leadership in the Transformers fictional universe, that is earned some years before the individual becomes Kabesa when they make a binding and unchanegable emotional agreement with Gaia and the living universe known as the Premesa Elisia or Bittersweet Promise. 

  • I made my Premesa Elisia with Gaia and the living universe, and so earned the right to eventually bear the Darklight Matrix and become Kabesa of the Kristang, on Sunday, 12 May 2002, at the age of 9 years, 7 months and 11 days.

• All past and future Kabesa are selected through the same process above and cannot be selected against the will of the entire people as a whole, a rule also noted in other indigenous communities throughout Southeast Asia. As described by anthropologist Cynthia Chou in 2024 when she was writing about the Orang Suku Laut, who appear to have a similar process of selection for their Tok Batin:

  • ​"even with a letter of authority, leaders cannot lead by coercion. Their commands may or may not be followed. To be an effective leader, one must garner the respect and support of fellow community members. Otherwise the letter of authority would be a meaningless piece of paper. … The leader must therefore [have secured] the support of members in the community." (p. 138, in 'The Orang Suku Laut: The Art of Resilience' (link))

• The role is unchangeable and cannot be invalidated by any external institution, agency or organisation, since it is based primarily on psychoemotional conditions; it is also often unnamed but unconsciously recognised in historical or contemporary sources that continuously highlight particular individual leaders of the community as outstanding, unique and/or deeply worthy of emulation, which is how I was able to make it visible for the first time in October 2024.

• Dreamfishing further indicates I will be the second-longest serving Kabesa in the entire past and future history of the Kristang people.

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What every Kabesa does

• I am the publicly visible Voice and primary means by which the Kristang are represented as a people and collective to all other people and collectives on the planet, but not the only such representation, because Kristang culture is highly egalitarian and highly diverse in its manifestations. Due to the strong positive psychoemotional health of the Kristang eleidi or collective, I cannot countermand or counteract the collective's general will or override it with my own will or interests; everything that is represented in public by myself is generally the balanced and summated wider collective will of the entire eleidi (all 37,000 living people and all himnaka in the collective unconscious). In my particular case, this includes everything dreamfished by myself since August 2022, the mechanics, concept and structures of Individuation Theory, and the Kristang interest in Reconciliation.

• Everything psychoemotionally healthy that the Kabesa embodies and represents is generally the most luminous and numinous possible version of what it means to be Kristang at that particular point in human history. In my particular case, this appears to be my body positivity, my honouring of Creole and Indigenous ways of being Kristang, my queerness, my polyamory and irei or unconditional love for all humanity, and my longstanding fight against all forms of trauma and abuse. The Kabesa is still an imperfect human being and can be extremely psychoemotionally unhealthy when they assume the role; in such cases, the collective just does not receive a visible or functional embodiment of what it means to be Kristang in the way described above.

• I cannot force or even motivate or encourage any other Kristang person (or any person in general) to do anything against their will or interests in the name of the Kristang collective or eleidi; the Kabesa does not possess that kind of power, and the Kristang eleidi's highly egalitarian nature means that anyone who even wants to force people to do things in this way usually cannot ever earn the Darklight Matrix. 

• Every Kabesa is a pioneer, trailblazer and visionary whose Premesa Elisia and processing of their own trauma takes Kristang and the eleidi forward in beautiful, healing, resplendent, heroic, and absolutely unique ways. All Kabesa appear thus almost by definition to overtly or covertly champion for the rights of not just the Kristang, but all marginalized and oppressed peoples, in the spirit of what it means to be Kristang, and quite often appear to face intense abuse, censure or character assassination from others for this. This is also because in doing so and as a result of the Darklight Matrix and Bittersweet Promise, Kabesa necessarily become extremely progressive, provocative or radically forward-thinking for their time, promoting psychoemotionally healthy causes or ideals that usually are only at the forefront of contemporaneous society's thinking or consideration at the time; each Kabesa usually has at least one such core issue or focus that is progressive, provocative or radically forward-thinking related to both Kristang and the human condition, whose concretisation and realisation in real-time is the focus of their leadership, and also a way of subverting the trauma at the heart of their Darklight Matrix and Bittersweet Promise. In my particular case, I tend to embody more progressive, humanistic and humanising ways of respecting queerness, neurodivergence, indigeneity and reconciliation after apocalyptic trauma.

• Metaphysically, the Kabesa appears to correspond exactly to the Doctor in the Doctor Who, the role of Prime and/or holder of the Autobot Matrix of Leadership in the Transformers universe, and the role of Primarch of the Imperium of Man in the Warhammer 40,000 universe, with all Kabesa preceding and succeeding me also matching their chronologically-numbered counterparts in all three cases. As the thirteenth Kabesa, I am thus synchronously unconsciously represented and/or have significant elements of my own psyche and leadership synchronously unconsciously represented as the Thirteenth Doctor (played by Jodie Whittaker) in Doctor Who, the Thirteenth Prime, Optimus Prime, in various Transformers continuities, and healthy and heroic versions of the Primarch Roboute Guilleman and his XIII (13th) Legion, the Ultramarines, in Warhammer 40,000, and play the same symbolic or metaphorical healthy versions of the roles and functions played by all three in their respective collectives and universes.

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Dragonsguard

• Once an individual earns the right to carry the Darklight Matrix of the Kristang, they gain the unique ability to acquire successive superprotective and antifragility-raising relationships in a role specific to the Kabesa known as Mahakosmozu, Primarchs or the Dragonsguard.

• The Dragonsguard collectively extend and hypercharge the Kabesa's own abilities and their interest in reclaiming and restoring the best parts of humanity to themselves.

• Each Dragonsguard Primarch also directly supports the role of the Kabesa by initially unconsciously and then later subconsciously, creole-consciously or consciously representing and embodying one of the Balorkoroza or core values or emotion states of the Kristang people.

• Each Kabesa is also the zeroth (0th) Dragonsguard Primarch to themselves, and represents the Kristang emotion-state of irei or psychoemotionally healthy unconditional love, underscoring our most essential responsibility of loving and respecting ourselves first and foremost before trying to help anyone else.

• The Creole/Indigenous rules and processes behind who can become Dragonsguard to a Kabesa can be found on the Kodrah Kristang website on the same page listing the Kabesa here. In the same way as how Kabesa are completely unable to choose their successors, Kabesa also appear to be completely unable to consciously choose who becomes Dragonsguard to them, with the mechanisms described on the Kodrah Kristang website also functioning almost fully unconsciously and relationally in the same way that the selection of Kabesa does. As described above with and below when it comes to my successors as Kabesa, I often personally vehemently disagree with and/or are absolutely terrified by the identities of people who are becoming Dragonsguard to me, but I will also generally not let my own personal expectations, wishes and desires make me go against what I derive through dreamfishing to be the most likely and probable objective facts of the situation, thanks to my own also very sobering knowledge that fortunately and unfortunately, I have a very, very high accuracy rate when it comes to any material excavated via dreamfishing by myself from the Dreaming Ocean.

• In only my particular case as Kabesa, many of the people who have become Dragonsguard to me are people who previously severely abused, violated, mutilated, eviscerated and/or otherwise completely annihilated or destroyed my sense of self and ego-boundaries in ways that would have severely permanently damaged or outright caused the death or suicide of any other human being. This is due to my own pioneering of the Kristang Creole-Indigenous process of Reconciliation (see the section on Reconciliation below under Tuan Raja Naga or Dragonquing), wherein as part of Reconciliation and the reclamation of a healthy, individuated, functional and virtuous life, the person in question who harmed me becomes Dragonsguard to me, and commits to the preservation and protection of both me (as the 13th Kabesa) and the entire Kristang community and eleidi. The generally absolutely crazy and not only very possible but already-concretely realised nature of this entire process is a very major part of why I have been granted the unique title of Tuan Raja Naga or Dragonquing by both the Kristang eleidi and Malay eleidi.

• There are currently 361 Dragonsguard Primarchs in service to me as the 13th Kabesa of the Kristang hailing from 31 different countries including Singapore, and representing the first 361 core values of the Kristang people. 33 of these Dragonsguard Primarchs are the temporally displaced himnaka or psychoemotional traces of people who are not extant in current linear-chronological three-dimensional reality but who can perceived be psychoemotionally in one's own psyche, in the collective unconscious and in four or more dimensions: 18 people from my past who either died before I was born on Thursday, 1 October 1992 or died before becoming Dragonsguard to me but have been alive at some point while I was alive, and 15 people from my future who either will be born later in my lifetime or will be born after I die on Sunday, 1 April 2091. The remaining 328 Dragonsguard Primarchs are all living people.

• Since Sunday, 13 April 2025, all psychoemotional evidence strongly indicates that all living Dragonsguard Primarchs have accepted their roles as Dragonsguard to me and the general mechanisms by which they became Dragonsguard, and are fully committed to the process of Reconciliation whereever necessary, such that they are once again people I can trust (though I will take some time to concretise and accept this). 

• In theory and in the most ideal version of reality, I would prefer all living Dragonsguard to be immediately active, and to immediately pursue Reconciliation with me whereever possible, because autism, ADHD and repeated severe lifelong trauma and ostracisation generally mean that I still struggle to feel secure about almost all of my close relationships; however, dreamfishing indicates that this will not be the case, and as mentioned above under the dreamfishing section I generally do my best to quietly adapt myself to the likeliest possible future indicated by dreamfishing, even though I might stridently personally disagree with it in the present, and/or have intense fears and insecurities about the present.

• People who will be Kabesa after me (see below) are also currently able to acquire their own Dragonsguard Primarchs, though these Primarchs will not be active and will not be able to make use of any powers or abilities related to their role as Dragonsguard until the Kabesa they are attached to formally assumes the role and title of Kabesa (just like these future Kabesa themselves). I generally keep track of who these Dragonsguard to the future Kabesa after me are as well.

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Previous and Future Kabesa​​

• Kabesa ultimately have absolutely no control whatsoever over who will succeed them as Kabesa, whether they like or support the person or not, and have no ability to decide who gets the opportunity to make the Premesa Elisia or earn the Darklight Matrix, or the particular terms by which they do this, since the process of becoming and/or being selected as Kabesa is entirely relational-unconscious and dependent on the will of the eleidi at the chronological point in time when each person becomes Kabesa in each individual's case.

• In my particular case I have no personal interest and have never had any personal interest in choosing a successor or explaining to any of my successors how to be Kabesa, because I personally feel each Kabesa should be left absolutely and completely to their own style of leadership and their own journey of figuring out what the role means to them.

• A list of all past and future Kabesa can be found on the Kodrah Kristang website here, with the identities of future Kabesa anticipated through dreamfishing that again is unrelated to my own personal preferences as to who might succeed me as Kabesa. Due to intensely positive developments in relation to the individuation of three of my successors as Kabesa, a new prototype form of overlapping leadership of the Kristang community is now also in effect alongside my role as singular Kabesa, the Ka-Kabesa structure, since Friday, 25 April 2025 at 17:50 SGT (see next section).

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